Living With A Psychopath?

“We’re done!”, where did that come from? What had she said this time that set him off? When they’d met last night, he’d been different. He'd been smiling, laughing even. He was playing with her, flirting. She liked it, liked it a lot. How could he be so caring and apologetic one night and the next tell her they were done for good. He had promised he’d never hurt her again but he had, not even twenty-four hours after his promise. The worst part was, she had no idea why.

Have you ever been in a relationship like this? One day he acts sweet and kind, giving you compliments and filling your every need then the next day, or sometimes even the next hour, he is pushing you away or seems to care nothing about you. Is he mean and degrading, possibly even physically hurting you, then apologizes later and tells you how much he loves you? Do you do everything you can think of to show him how much you love him yet he doesn’t seem to care? Does he lie, or create stories he pretends are true, for seemingly no reason? If so, you may be in a relationship with a psychopath.

What Is A Psychopath

When most people think of a psychopath they picture serial killers or people who torture others. These stereotypes come from movies but actually make up just a small percent of the various types of psychopaths. The way psychopaths behave can be as varied as the number of them there are. Just as non-psychopaths have different personalities, so do psychopaths. Most, however, can be generally grouped into four categories.

Dangerous

The dangerous psychopaths are the ones we hear about on the news and in TV shows. These are the people who kill and torture for the fun of it. They are the ones who get pleasure out of physically hurting others. As the name implies, these are the most outwardly dangerous type of psychopaths but are the easiest to deal with. This is because their behavior is obvious. If you live through one of their behavioral enactments, you will have no doubt that there is a problem, that it isn’t normal. If it wasn’t too serious, you are likely to forgive him but you will know, deep down, that there is something very wrong. If you are able, you must get out of any relationship with one of these people. Usually, though, the problem is being able to. This type of psychopath won’t hesitate hurting or killing someone trying to leave them. They may threaten to hurt your children, your family, or even random strangers if they know it will keep you where they want you. It’s very important to use extreme caution in getting away. There are resources to help.

Getting Ahead

Many psychopaths fall into this category. Top corporate leaders, presidents, army sergeants, and any other leadership position, could be held by a psychopath. The psychopathic trait of not feeling, and not caring what others feel, lends itself well to getting ahead. Decisions that are best for making a company money are often not good for individuals. It may mean cutting salaries, pumping more pollution into the air, or any number of things. The fact is, corporate growth and human well-being can clash. If you are a caring person, you may have trouble choosing on the side of corporate growth when it means people will lose their jobs, their homes, or worse. Psychopaths don’t care how decisions affect anyone but themselves. If it gets them ahead or makes them more money, it doesn’t matter who it hurts. This type of psychopath will affect you most if it is your boss but, at home, this person will most likely insist on making all the decisions for running the household, for raising any kids, possibly even for how you dress and do your hair. They want to be in charge. Of course, not everyone in top positions are psychopaths, but many are.

Thrill Seekers

Thrill seekers go though life looking for daring and dangerous things they can do. Jumping out of planes, driving race cars, high risk rescue missions, and fire fighting are all places you can find this type of psychopath. Just like with Getting Ahead Psychopaths, not every risk taker is a psychopath but high risk situations are what make this type of psychopath feel alive. At first glance this doesn’t seem so bad, and they may be the easiest type to live with, unless you are riding in the car when they decide to go 120 mph or they rob a bank and make you the get-away driver. Often this type of psychopath will drag friends and family into their risky behaviors. It’s more fun if they see the fear in others as they are getting a rush from it. This constant state of being at risk can be extremely hard on you even if you don’t participate. Constantly worrying about the one you love being harmed, can bring on a lot of stress.

Hurtful

The last main group are those who get their excitement from emotionally hurting others. This can be worse than those that do physical harm. Though you are still alive, you are living with so much pain and devastation that you may wish you were dead. To add to the pain, generally no one else will believe that the psychopath is doing the things you say he is. He may convince your friends and family that you are going crazy and need psychological care. You may even find yourself involuntarily placed in a mental hospital. By this time though, you probably feel completely crazy anyway. These psychopaths can be just as dangerous as the physically dangerous ones. It’s very important that you get away if you can but, if you are staying, connect with someone you can trust and who believes what is happening to you. The ways in which you can help yourself, if you have one of these psychopaths in your life, are too numerous to go into here but you must find a way to know your thoughts are normal and are trying to be twisted by someone else.

Why

Why is a question often asked by someone in a relationship with a psychopath. Keep in mind the base reason for these kinds of behaviors are because psychopaths don’t feel any emotion, except anger. This leads to a boring life. It’s very difficult for the average person to imagine what it might be like to have no feelings. Not to feel love, joy, happiness, compassion, or even sadness, would leave you empty. Our emotions, how we react to everything that happens to us, are what makes us alive and engaged with life. Psychopaths are missing all that so they need to create scenarios in their lives that give them fulfillment and satisfaction. They may achieve this in the different ways listed above but the goal is always the same, to feel alive. If you think about it, you may even feel sorry for these people but don’t let that keep you in the relationship. The best solution is to get away.

No matter how sorry you may feel for them, always know that they will never change for the better. Don’t be fooled by changes in behavior that “show” he is changing, that he loves you and wants to be with you. One of the psychopath’s greatest skills is to figure out what your deepest needs are and then fill them for you. It’s so diabolical and extensive it will have its own post later. Right now just know that if they think they may lose you, they may pour on the charm. Be aware, it’s all an act. Not saying you can’t enjoy it, but know that it’s not real love or caring. More on that in another post too.

Ideally you should get away and stay away from any psychopaths in your life but, unfortunately, many times that isn’t possible, or you get away from one only to find yourself in a relationship with another. Understanding what you are dealing with can be a big first step in living a more normal life, even if you have to share it with a psychopath.

Conclusion 

There is so much to know about living with a psychopath. This was only a brief glimpse into what you may be going through. There are many issues and problems I hope to help with as I write these posts for you. After living with multiple psychopaths, and a couple people with Borderline Personality Disorder, I studied and researched my way to emotional health. Hopefully I can make your journey to emotional health quicker and easier than the many years it took me to get there. Please comment below, to ask questions or give suggestions on other information you would like to see posted. 

Stay safe and stay sound.